


Lights Out

by Snake (Fatality145)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, Space husbandos, post-ME3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-03
Updated: 2012-09-03
Packaged: 2017-11-13 11:23:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/503000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fatality145/pseuds/Snake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan finds a salve for the nightmares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lights Out

Usually, he didn’t forget. He was astute, ready for anything, but, after a day of throwing rubble around in the growing heat, sweat dripping down his neck, dirt cacking to his skin and splits forming in his fingers and knuckles, then to come home and cook three separate meals, he was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow.

 

                Kaidan barely had the time to clean himself up before his legs gave out underneath him. More than once, there had been offers to help, declining them instantly.

 

                “No offence, Shepard, but I’d like to eat something other than charcoal, tonight,” He had lightly poked at him, placing an uncoordinated kiss to the furrowed brow that came. Shepard wasn’t good at cooking, it was as simple as that – the guy might have been amazing at anything else he tried his hand at, but cooking (and style) seemed to be lost upon him.

 

                “I live in this house, too, you know,” Shepard had muttered, tipping his head up to catch those lips briefly before looking back at him, steely eyes narrowed softly. “You’re working yourself to the bone,” He started, lifting a hand and carding it into Kaidan’s hair, over the grey at his temples, holding their foreheads together.

 

                Noting which hand it was with a downward glance, Kaidan huffed a small laugh, curling his fingers around the man’s other wrist. He didn’t think he would ever understand it; why Shepard preferred to use his (mostly) organic hand to the prosthetic, especially when it was in better condition _and_ had better articulation. It was something along the lines of, he guessed, what Shepard had told him a few days out of intensive care:

 

                ‘ _This is even less me than my whole damn Cerberus body_ ,’ He’d said, ‘ _Might as well be an AI, soon_ ,’

 

                Bringing the prosthetic hand up, Kaidan kissed over the knuckles, not nearly as calloused or scarred as his other hand, the skin not as weathered or golden. He smiled tiredly against his fingers, looking up at the guy who frowned deeper, obviously pushing back the urge to pull the artificial limb back.

 

                “Yeah? And so are you,” Kaidan eventually replied, squeezing his wrist for emphasis. For the last months, Shepard had, basically, stuck to working out. There had been much muscle and nerve damage, bone fractures, his complete homeostasis thrown, and after being stuck in a coma afterwards, most of the meat on him had atrophied.

 

                It had been slow, at first, just reteaching himself even how to hold a cup without spilling it everywhere by uncontrollably shaking, then taught how to rewrite his name and other things to improve his articulation, fine motor movement.

 

                Shepard must have been bored something chronic stuck in the hospital, because at one point, the Major was bringing in new model ships for him to make every day.

 

                By the end of it, Shepard was able to be discharged when he could sign his own name on the papers, still a bit shaky, though. Now, he’d moved up to bigger things, for the rest of his body; jogging, weights, even the occasional bout of pull ups, trying to rebuild his core strength up again.

 

                It wasn’t uncommon for Kaidan to arrive home to find him in a sweat, panting, forcing himself past the limit that his body could really take. Usually, when he would eventually notice Kaidan watching him, he’d try to nonchalantly break his stride, lest he be paid with a soft scolding.

 

                Shepard just wanted to do more than he was able, quicker than he was able, taking a while to get out of his previous mindset, his one during the war.

 

                When Kaidan had said they were old soldiers, he wasn’t kidding. They weren’t young anymore, even if Shepard was two years behind.

 

                “That’s not the same—“

 

                “You’ve been looking after Ash, too,”

 

                As if on cue, Ashley threw her Hanar sippy-cup off the side of her highchair, reaching for it instantly after and gurgling. She was a bossy baby, looking up at the two of them expectantly with big, blue eyes, just like Shepard’s own.

 

                “You’ve gotta’ admit she’s a handful,” Kaidan told the other as he leant down, grabbing the cup and placing it back before pushing Ash’s ebony curls from her chubby face.

 

                The constant heavy lifting was probably easier than taking care of her, sometimes.

 

                “Still isn’t the same,” Shepard mumbled, letting Ash chew on his finger – it was better than at his face, he had to say. He swore she was part Varren, at least a little bit.

 

                “Come on, sit down. Food’s ready.” Kaidan said, shrugging it off.

 

                “Mm… One would think being Saviour of the Galaxy would rake in enough credits that you wouldn’t _have_ to work,” Shepard returned around the rim of his glass, face scrunching up a little as he took a drag of some foul tasting supplement drink. The old stuff on the Normandy had nothing on his subscriptions.

 

                Sitting next to the highchair, Shepard was in grabbing range, Ash reaching out to his glass, too.

                                “Nuh-uh. Trust me, you don’t want this. Wish I could have your juice, though,” Taking the glass out of her grasp, he leant over, lightly head-butting her and laughing softly as she squealed, clapping her hands together.

 

                “You know it isn’t for the money, Shepard,” Kaidan replied, spooning out their food and something else, more suitable for Ash.

 

                Most of Earth was still razed and it’d take much longer for it to even become a ghost of its former self. The housing and hospitals, for the most part, had been moved to a safer place, free from chemicals and teetering debris, but there was still the cities to deal with.

 

                As being Saviour of the Galaxy had its benefits, it also had its downfalls, which might have outweighed any pros the title could have given. And that’s exactly what Kaidan had forgotten about when he got to bed that night, barely awake by the time Shepard had slipped in beside him, having put Ash to bed, setting up the baby monitor on the bedside table.

 

                Some nights, it was worse than others, sometimes better, too, the odd shake, strangled sounds caught in a dry throat, rather than wracks of rough shudders and growls and jerking. That night, it one of the bad ones, and Kaidan found out the hard, bloody way.

 

                He’d caught it too late, too deep in sleep to stop the nightmares before they came. A particularly terse yank of the covers around him eventually roused him awake, hazel eyes, accented blue for a bare second as his biotics woke up, languidly fluttering open. He thought nothing of it, pressing the side of his face into his pillow with a soft groan, before a gritty noise came from the other body beside him.

 

                Rolling over, Kaidan pushed himself up on an elbow, brow lightly furrowed, placing a hand on Shepard’s tensed shoulder. There were pills for his condition, but with the way his cybernetics processed things, they only worked for an hour, tops. A part of Shepard’s head was still stuck in the war, the fire and bullets and blood and screams. It was a wonder Kaidan didn’t have it himself, but a good thing, too – they wouldn’t be able to help each other with it if that was the case.

 

                Shaking Shepard’s arm, he leant over the man’s twitching form, the cold sweat forming over his skin reflecting in the straggling light through the curtains, his lips parted, panting breathily. He whispered his name, trying to wake him up, cut off the nightmare midway, shaking him a bit harder.

 

                It wasn’t often that Shepard lashed out, but he had woken up with a few bruises and scratches that he couldn’t account for before.

 

                Still half asleep, Kaidan couldn’t react fast enough before an elbow jerked back, cracking him right in the nose, immediately recoiling afterwards. Even now, Shepard still had some impressive strength behind his blows.

 

                He felt the wet heat before the pain, the rush of sanguine blood seeping down over his lips in thick torrents, lingering on his jaw before dripping onto the covers. Kaidan barked a curse, turning away and lifting a hand to his face, the obvious crook in the bridge of his nose.

 

                Like a chain reaction, Shepard jolted awake, and cries began filtering through the baby monitor, the ringing in Kaidan’s ears almost drowning the both of them out. He hissed in a breath, the blood staining his bore teeth, hearing Shepard catch his breath behind him before a shaky hand was placed on his shoulder, cold, clammy.

 

                “…You alright…? I—Ah, shit,” Shepard started before Kaidan inclined his head over his shoulder a little, eyes narrowed, scant, prickling moistness in the corner of one of them. Curling his fingers into the covers, Shepard grit his teeth softly, glancing over to the baby monitor. “…Look, I-I’ll go check on her,” He made to push himself up from the bed until Kaidan waved him off with his clean hand, getting up, wobbling a little, shaking his head and wiping the back of his wrist over his mouth.

 

                “I will, just… go back to sleep, Shepard,” Kaidan said, voice deep, thick. As he shuffled from the room, grabbing his thin shirt on the way out to hold it to his nose, Shepard shakily sighed behind him, ducking his head.

 

                Kaidan wasn’t mad, he never could be. It wasn’t as though Shepard had mean it, he probably thought he was a marauder, or a twisted, indoctrinated and morphed human jumping onto his back in his head. Kaidan’s face just _hurt_ , and he was tired and restless and he just wanted to sleep but responsibilities were responsibilities.

 

                Slowly walking out through the hall, Kaidan stopped off at the bathroom, not even taking the time to look at himself in the mirror – he knew he looked like shit – before leaning over to clean his face. Pain throbbed up his nose and into his skull as he flushed the water through, tinging the sink. The heat slowly died down after he had straightened his nose with deep hiss. At least it wasn’t broken. Cleaning away the stray blood and water, he turned to head off to Ash’s room down the hall.

 

                He didn’t bother turning the lights on, opting to flare a bit of azure energy out of his fingers instead to find his way. Ash always liked that, bending over her cot and scooping her tiny body up into his arms. Wiping away the tears that wept down the sides of her face, Kaidan hushed her, keeping the biotics up and toned down, illuminating the room as he gently rocked her from side to side.

 

                The baby sniffled a little, grabbing at his hand and holding it to her small form. She was easy to please, sometimes, not as often as he’d like but she wouldn’t be their daughter if she just took everything that was thrown her way, if she didn’t have Shepard’s own stubbornness. She settled, nestled into his arm, lulled slowly back into sleep with his soft humming. Tracing his thumbnail lightly over her plump lower lip, eyes half lidded, Kaidan glanced to the baby monitor sitting next to the crib, knowing Shepard was likely listening.

 

                “She’s fine, just… maybe a nightmare, who knows,” He could almost hear him snort from the room over as he tenderly laid her back down in the cot, touching over her curls before shuffling back out, leaving the door ajar.

 

                Now, if only Shepard was that easy to coax into restful sleep. The guy was fine when Kaidan came home to find him snoozing on the couch, Ash doing the same over his chest, but he couldn’t sleep on the couch with her all the time. He’d have to find a fix before it run him into the ground.

 

                Dragging his feet beneath himself, Kaidan eventually made it back to the bedroom, looking over Shepard who was curled up in on himself in the centre, half of his face hidden beneath the covers, the frown on his face evident in his eyes. The Major chuckled softly, pushing his hair back from his face and sliding back in. He was going to have a killer headache in the morning, and he’d be lucky if he didn’t have black eyes.

 

                “It’s alright – relax,” He told him as those arms wrapped around his torso, pulling him in close. Kaidan circled around him in return, pressing his mouth to the top of Shepard’s head, his hair slowly getting longer day by day.

 

                “…Sorry,” Shepard mumbled against him, tightening the hold.

 

                “S’nothing. Forget about it.”

 

                Shepard stopped there, he probably didn’t want to make it any worse, Kaidan feeling his eyelashes scathe softly against him as he blinked.

 

                “Go back to sleep.”

 

                There was a bit more grumbling before Shepard finally obeyed, relaxing against him, the room going quiet with the light spray of wind outside and their calmed, in sync breaths.   

 

\--

 

Not even a few hours went past before Kaidan was woken up again by nails sinking into his back, the body in his arm back to twitching.

 

                Leaning his head back, he stretched out his form, muscles stiff, biting back a yawn and palming a warm hand up Shepard’s back, the skin crawling beneath his touch, sweating again. It wasn’t good for either of them – Kaidan constantly being awoken, leaving him exhausted throughout the day, and leaving Shepard with a weak immune system with his bad sleep, stunting his healing process.

 

                Kaidan’s mouth twisted, brushing his fingertips across Shepard’s knitted brow, over the ingrained lines that had accented his face throughout the years. Burying his nose into his hair, breathing him in, he firmly kissed Shepard’s forehead, holding him tightly to himself. Maybe he’d eventually get over it, but Kaidan was working off the idea that they were in it for the long haul.

 

                Keeping him close, he hushed Shepard just as he had with Ashley, pads of his fingers rubbing into the strung muscles of his neck and shoulders. He was in a complete state of unrest, maybe fighting off hordes of husks in his dreams, maybe something worse. Shepard rarely told him about the nightmares, hell, Kaidan didn’t even know he had them until he was shoved abruptly off the bed one time in the dead of night, ending up with a big, purple bruise on his hip in the morning.

 

                The nail marks were better than bruises or broken noses, though, threading his fingers through Shepard’s hair.

 

                “Come on, John…” He murmured, watching him shake for a moment before pressing their foreheads together. He didn’t want to wake him up and further ruin his horrible sleep, sticking with trying to sooth him in different, less obtrusive ways. Softly, he cleared his throat. Maybe it’d be daughter like father, he thought, lightly humming to him.

 

                Deliberately, the nails in his back loosened, the tensed up and striated muscles wrapped like a vice around his torso relaxing, Shepard’s slightly frenetic breath going back into rhythm. The deep lines in the corners of his eyes and forehead smoothed out as Kaidan continued, tenderly scratching his nails over his scalp, along the scars embedded in his shoulders, only a few of them still with amber in their depths.

 

                “You’re good,” Kaidan whispered to him, wiping away the sweat from his temple. Maybe – hopefully – now they could get a proper night’s rest.

 

\--

 

It had taken a while, but Shepard did eventually grow out of his shot circadian rhythm where he would wake up before the sun even did – 5am sharp, without an alarm. Kaidan sometimes even woke up before him; standing in the bathroom fixing himself up for the day as Shepard slowly got up, yawning into his hand, stretching out his body and pushing his mussed hair back from his face.

 

                ‘ _Funny nightmare last night, you know… there was humming,_ ’   


End file.
